Have you ever experienced the feeling of achievement, relief, and confidence after you overcame something pretty difficult; maybe you pass a final test, maybe you graduated after working night shifts at a restaurant, maybe you lost someone very important but somehow kept living, or simply, one day you decided to go out for a walk around the block after being at home for few weeks.

I certainly have experienced it, and I always associated it with doing hard things in life. It looks like the “no pain, no gain” holds some truth.

Who Likes the Rain?

Now, there is something interesting about hard things in life, we run away from them; our brains hate discomfort. But something more interesting happens, life always finds a way to put us in that discomfort, we can’t escape, does not matter if we were born in a third or first-world country, we experience hardships and we always grow after we overcome them.

Now, because of that, hard things are person dependent, what can be considered a hard thing for someone, can be very easy for other people, and that’s normal and ok.

Choosing our own cloudy sky

This for me has been an interesting theme to entertain my mind for a few years already, I have been asking one simple question: what if I intentionally seek to do hard things in a day-to-day life?

You know, all the things that for me represent a huge challenge, but I know they are good for the future. So, it’s like not letting life happen, but making life happen on my own terms.

Would it be different in my mind? can we cultivate some resilience in a controlled manner?

So, because I am drawn to experiments, for the last couple of years I have been actively seeking to do hard things, and what I want to share today, is part of that process; who knows maybe my own story can help you to do your hard things.

Honoring my working style

I work as a Software Engineer. Over the years, I’ve met lots of different people. Some of them had a very unique working style: for them, code and programming are the core of their existence, success is defined by lines of code, and having fun equates to spending time with code.

These people often achieve remarkable things. They are the creators of useful libraries, they get invited to conferences, and to many outside the engineering world, they embody what a real Software Engineer should be.

However, I could never relate to that life. For me, coding was just a tool, a medium to solve problems. I’ve always prioritized users, striving to understand their needs, and questioning every solution. For me, having fun was seeing if the solution I implemented was genuinely helping users or not.

Over time, my working style began to feel out of place. With the constant evolution of technology and the race to stay updated, I felt a widening gap. I realized I could never be that person who values code above all else. So, in 2022, I made a choice. Instead of rejecting my working style and what I held dear, I embraced and honored it. This hasn’t been an easy path. Standing by my principles has often led to others questioning my capabilities as an engineer.

Still, this alignment with my true self has brought new challenges and sometimes harsh feedback. But, it’s empowering to define for myself what kind of engineer I am and what I aspire to be.

Going to the dentist

It might sound funny, but one of the hardest things I did in 2023 was going to the dentist. The thought evoked an inexplicable terror. I feared the pain and, honestly, felt ashamed since I hadn’t visited one since 2017.

Why 2023? Simply put, I chose to face my fears and discomfort. Post-visit, the results were mixed. The medical staff were incredibly supportive and kind, always considering my anxieties. But when it came to my oral health, the news wasn’t good. I underwent multiple painful treatments for inflamed gums, each session a challenge, even with anesthesia.

Yet, there was a silver lining. Making that decision reinforced a belief in me: that I can take care of my well-being and make tough choices for my health.

No working overtime

This is perhaps the hardest challenge I face daily. I have this innate tendency to go “above and beyond”. A part of me feels the pressure to always deliver on time, that falling ill or feeling tired isn’t an option, and that I must always give more than 100%. Childhood traumas, perhaps? But on a serious note, this pattern is one I’ve been trying to break for years, especially since it once led me to burnout.

One might say, “Just take on less.” But it’s more complex than that. I’m drawn to challenges; they drive me. However, I’m constantly searching for that balance, that growth zone where I’m stretched but not broken.

Training for half marathon

This was also interesting, last year, I saw a group of runners in the TCS Amsterdam marathon, and something inside me got moved, my eyes were in disbelief, the effort that I saw, the determination, and the strength in their eyes, made me want to try running at least half marathon.

But the hard thing is to do the training, every single time I ran I need to discard and keep showing up, even if it’s raining, sunnier, if my mind is just lazy, everything counts for this training. By the way, if you want to see the struggles and scattered thoughts about this, you can see my Instagram account: https://instagram.com/ohmylittlethings :)

So, Is It Worth Chasing the Rainbow?

Now answering the question, I believe that if we choose to do hard things, we have the advantage of putting our terms or playing with our rules, which makes things easier but the result is the same, hard things build in resilience and help us gaining confidence that we can deal with life itself.

If you enjoyed reading about my journey and want to follow along as it continues, I’d love for you to Join my newsletter._

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