I remember thinking “What a wonderful thing writing is”. I Imagined being able to access such a wide range of emotions and having the skill to share stories that make people feel something inside them. Then I started wondering: What if I become a writer?
This question sparked my curiosity in 2020, with the whole pandemic mess I had the time, so I researched for a few months, read articles, watched videos, and did an online workshop on creative writing. My idea was to start this journey.
But then, every time I tried to write my stories and thoughts on my blog, I failed, miserably.
But why? You may wonder, dear reader. Well… writing requires consistency, it’s a habit, and I don’t have the habit of writing, nor do I possess the skills, yet. So, for me, thinking about writing and sharing those writings feels uncomfortable. Physically, I have experienced a tightening in my chest, a tension in my throat, and I’ve noticed my shallow breathing, which makes me feel like I am running out of oxygen.
My bitchy voice
However, even though those physical symptoms are not nice, the real challenge has always been on my mind. I have what I called “My bitchy voice”, it’s an inner voice that screams that writing is not a good idea. This voice is afraid of judgment, this voice is trying to protect me from shame and her only way to do that is by bombarding thoughts whenever I start to write:
Who do you think you are? Your writing sucks!
People will judge you! No one will read you!
Just stop trying. You are not a writer.
Of course, this has led me into a cycle: I start to write, I feel uncomfortable, I get these thoughts, then I just “forget” to write one day, and one week passes by, then one month, then a year and here I am in July 2023.
Immunity to change
I have to admit that has been frustrating, and yet I am writing these words and sentences today. Why? I got some guidance from a coach that explain a concept called “immunity to change”, based on this concept it looks like my cycle is more common than I thought. With her guidance, this blog post is the first baby step to change the fact that I want to write, but I don’t do it.
I decided to come back to this space, not with the intention of becoming a writer, but rather becoming someone who can sit at a desk, with a computer in front of her, and ideas in her head just waiting to be written.
And because change frequently starts by changing our behavior, I decided to try out something new, like an experiment.
My experiment
What if I set up a space for my writing in the studio, kept my computer always ready, created a daily goal of writing for 10 minutes no matter what, set a weekly challenge of publishing the writing, and finally aimed to finish this experiment by July 31st, 2023?
And so, my dear reader, this is my introduction. Welcome to my blog and this experiment. Here, I hope to share a bit of my scattered thoughts.
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** All images are generated using stable diffusion